PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
please come you make the beer taste better
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
