I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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