...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
