im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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