I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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