we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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