Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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