Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just want to make out with him forever
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
