I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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