I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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