Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
