dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
