Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
