He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
