That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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