Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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