Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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