i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
