who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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