She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
