God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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