I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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