I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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