why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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