Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
