I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
