Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
