He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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