So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
