it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
