Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
