Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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