He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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