some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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