does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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