He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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