My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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