I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
