I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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