So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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