I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize