my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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