I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
