My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
