I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
