I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
