there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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