Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
