Where did you get a picture of my penis
drinking out of a sandbucket again
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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