just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
