She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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