My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
