We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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