Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
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I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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