i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
