Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
